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Apr 5, 2023
This blog is an excerpt from our mini-therapy on this discomfort.
what is a discomfort?
Discomfort is anything that could be stopping you from achieving what you really want to achieve. Any feeling or issue that you’re currently struggling with.
what is a mini-therapy?
A mini-therapy is hyper-personalized, bite-sized content delivered via an immersive and interactive therapy experience on the ‘being’ app. It’s designed by experienced mental health professionals and helps you work through a discomfort by using therapeutic interventions that they would use in in-person therapy.
Note: For the most optimal experience, try the mini-therapy on the ‘being’ app :’)
the excerpt:
Hi there, welcome to your mini-therapy!
So, you have been experiencing feelings of anxiety and insecurity in your relationship.
I understand that you have been feeling like your partner might cheat on you. This is even when you know it's irrational and you have no logical reason to feel that way. It can be really challenging to deal with these feelings, but I'm here to help you work through them.
First of all, I want to acknowledge that it's completely understandable for you to have trust issues given your past experiences of being cheated on. It's normal to feel anxious or even worried about your current relationship, even if your partner hasn’t given you any reasons to doubt them.
But, at the same time, it’s imperative to understand that your past experiences don’t necessarily define your current relationship.
Trust is one of the most important things in a relationship and you deserve a healthy, trusting and secure relationship. So, let's explore what your needs are to feel safe and secure in your relationship.
Reflective Questions Tool
What are your expectations of your partner? Is it better communication? Verbal reassurance, or perhaps something else?
Whatever your expectations are of your partner, please take a moment to write them down.
Great! It’s important to know exactly what we need from our partner to help us soothe our trust issues.
Once we know what our needs are, it's crucial to communicate these needs with our partner and work together to build trust in the relationship. Addressing trust issues and establishing clear expectations for the relationship can allow you to trust your partner better. Talking about trust issues with your partner can help both of you understand each other’s perspectives.
When you are honest and open about your concerns, you’re allowing your partner to be aware of how their actions may be affecting you. This gives them an opportunity to address those concerns.
I understand that talking about trust issues can be mentally draining. Let's take a break for a moment. How about we do a quick breathing exercise together to help you be more calm and grounded?
Mindfulness - Do Nothing Tool
Close your eyes and take a deep breath. (4 counts). Hold your breath for a few seconds, and then exhale slowly through your mouth. (6 counts). Repeat this a few more times.
As you’re doing this, forget about everything else and concentrate on your breath. When you are ready, open your eyes and we can continue.
Now, let’s talk about a concept called MINDING that can help you build trust in your relationship.
Just a heads up, this will require you to work with your partner, because both of you are needed to build trust in a relationship.
‘Minding’ is a concept used to build trust in a relationship. It involves a mix of attentiveness, equality, empathy, companionship and deep commitment.
The process of minding has 5 components:
- Try to practice self-disclosure and active listening with your partner - This involves sharing information about yourself and actively listening to your partner when they share their story with you. By doing this, you will build a sense of closeness and intimacy with your partner and develop a sense of self-worth.
- Next, try to work on relationship-enhancing attributes - This means thinking about positive aspects of the relationship as a reflection of your partner’s true personality and negative aspects as situational. For example, if you notice that your partner is online but not responding to your messages, don't just assume that they are up to something suspicious. Instead, you could try to think that they may be occupied with work or talking to someone else. Doing this can help you judge your partner more positively.
- Next, accept and respect your partner - Accept, support and respect your partner when they share information about them. This can help build intimacy and improve your mental health.
- Reciprocate feelings in the relationship - This means understanding and empathizing with your partner and be willing to change to make improvements in the relationship.
- Finally, remember, minding in a relationship is a never ending process - Committing to always listening to your partner and improving the relationship whenever possible will create togetherness and build trust.
Now, remember 'minding' is a two-way street. Introduce this concept to your partner and work on improving your relationship together. By practicing this, your partner can help you feel safe and secure in the relationship, making it easier to build trust. Together, we build a strong, safe and secure relationship.
A bonus point, I understand that trusting doesn’t come easily to you, so you don’t have to force yourself to trust someone right away. Take the time you need to get to know them and see if their actions align with their words. When you feel ready and believe they have earned your trust, you can start opening up and trusting them more. Remember, building trust is a gradual process, and it's okay to take your time with it.
I understand that we have discussed a lot of things today, but well done on sticking to this journey.
I hope this was helpful to you. If you need more help building trust, I’ll be here for you.
Till then take care and just be 💜