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Apr 6, 2023
This blog is an excerpt from our mini-therapy on this discomfort.
what is a discomfort?
Discomfort is anything that could be stopping you from achieving what you really want to achieve. Any feeling or issue that you’re currently struggling with.
what is a mini-therapy?
A mini-therapy is hyper-personalized, bite-sized content delivered via an immersive and interactive therapy experience on the ‘being’ app. It’s designed by experienced mental health professionals and helps you work through a discomfort by using therapeutic interventions that they would use in in-person therapy.
Note: For the most optimal experience, try the mini-therapy on the ‘being’ app :’)
the excerpt:
Self-hatred is a strong word! And a strong feeling, too, I imagine.
Negative thoughts can take many forms. They feel automatic when unchecked and unexamined. We’ll examine these thoughts today, together.
But before that, let’s take a moment to ground ourselves. This will help us explore the discomfort with clarity and calm.
Let’s do this by practicing an ‘anchoring phrase’. In one to three sentences, describe your surroundings.
For example, my anchoring phrase right now would be - ‘I am sitting in a beautiful coworking cafe, and it’s raining outside. It’s quiet except for the sound of rain and people typing away on their laptops.’
Got it?
Now, let’s practice yours…
Mindfulness - Do Nothing Tool
Practice your anchoring phrase by describing your surroundings in one to three sentences.
Negative thoughts can come in many forms. When we have overwhelming self-critical thoughts, we tend to magnify our shortcomings and overlook our strengths.
Self-hatred can come from overcritical parenting, comparing ourselves to others, or a failure that we haven’t been able to process.
I have a few questions for you that will help you understand these negative thoughts better.
Guided Journaling Tool
Prompt: What does this self-hatred entail? What do negative thoughts about yourself say?
Prompt: What part of yourself are these negative thoughts about? For example, do they pertain to your personality traits? The way you show up for others? Your performance at work? Something else?
Prompt: And finally, where do you think this self-criticism comes from?
While negative self-talk often has a deeper root cause, it can also help to understand immediate triggers. Immediate triggers are situations where we find ourselves retreating into this rabbit hole of self-hatred. Something in these situations rubs us the wrong way or triggers a past wound.
A simple way to understand our triggers is to maintain a journal.
Let me give you a format for it, and perhaps we can fill one or two instances together.
On a sheet of paper, draw three columns.
The first column is about your thoughts - what thoughts come to mind when you spiral into negative thinking? For example, do you think, ‘I should have known better,’ or ‘I always mess things up’?
In the second column, write down your feelings. For example, do you feel embarrassed? Inadequate?
In the last column, write down what was happening when these particular thoughts got triggered.
Guided Journaling Tool
Think of the last time you spiraled into self-hatred.
Now, let’s pause and write down the thoughts, feelings, and situation.
You can practice this journaling technique every time you have negative thoughts.
Eventually, you'll see some patterns.
Understanding your patterns is incredibly valuable, and it can release some of the power these experiences hold over us. As you reflect on your patterns, you'll see that our thoughts, feelings and actions are related. How we think influences how we feel, which in turn, influences how we behave.
We can break this cycle by reframing our negative thoughts. Now, this is something that takes a lot of practice and patience. So, the first thing to keep in check is self-criticism that might show up when you’re trying to challenge your patterns.
This might sound something like: ‘Urh this is so tough for me. I’ll never be able to get it right.’ We can reframe this thought to: ‘This is new and challenging, and I can learn to do better next time.’
I’ll share a few examples of reframing negative thoughts, and then you can practice some of your own.
Negative thought: ‘I’m not as smart as others
I can reframe this to: ‘I may not know everything but I can learn’
Negative thought: ‘I always make terrible decisions’
Reframed thought: ‘I can learn from my experiences’
Alright, why don’t you try this?
Guided Journaling Tool
Prompt: Write down a negative thought you’ve had in the past. Reframe it into a positive thought.
Remember - this is something that takes practice.
Be compassionate toward yourself as you work on your inner dialogue.
Let’s end this mini-therapy by giving yourself a warm hug for the work you’ve done today.
Wrap your arms around your shoulders, and squeeze them gently as you inhale. Exhale and relax.
Thank you for working with me on this. I wish you all the best.
Take care and just be! 💜